Madonna - MDNA

It's fair to say that few have courted controversy as consistently and arduously over the years as Madonna and her juggernaut pop career have. She's pissed off Catholics, she's got her Madge out for a sex-book, she's adopted, she's divorced, she's a bitch, she's had more style-changes than...well anyone, she's had spats with Elton John and most recently there's been a fixation with trying to instigate a rivalry between her and Lady Gaga. The title of 'Queen of Pop' seems to be a genuine battle nowadays (although personally I couldn't care less, considering the title was invented for Madonna for Christ's sake, and Gaga's been around for, what, 3 years?) and whether it's part of my ongoing love/hate relationship with the internet's music corners or just a waning interest in pop, I can't help but feel the whole thing's a contrived mess of publicity and falsehood.

Certainly, recently, Madonna's music career has lagged. Hard Candy is one of the worst albums I've ever heard, and although the brief revelry of Celebration was pretty nice it couldn't shake off the impression that she'd gone from trendsetter to blind follower. But let's not get too hasty - she was still excellent less than a decade ago: Confessions on a Dance Floor and Music both thrived off of her signature dance/electronica sound and that's notably the atmosphere she's returned to on her twelfth studio album. Perhaps the record of her 21st century exploits going good-bad-good-bad (Music/American Life/Confessions.../Hard Candy) looks set to continue.


In the briefest possible terms: it doesn't. Opener 'Girl Gone Wild', a single so vapidly void of any self-respect or enduring resonance, lyrically nor musically, pulsates into focus with a beat not-too-dissimilar to 2009's Celebration and Usher's DJ Got Us Fallin' in Love. The spoken intro too oozes self-worship and vague assertations about goodness and prostration, cementing its place as an utter derivative. 'Gang Bang' too firmly associates with the sleaziest and greasiest sectors of clubland, but with a genuine grit and cool that pulls it off. Like a Nancy Sinatra drag act, Madonna proudly announces her lover's murder at her hands but the beat is the real attraction here. But then 'I'm Addicted' sort of emerges from a synthpop grave with no real purpose or direction, and we're back to square one.

There are brief glimpses of classic Madonna: 'Turn Up the Radio' feels like the carefree revelry that made previous hits Ray of Light and Music so appealing, but it's never fully realised. First single 'Give Me All Your Luvin' is an extremely odd choice for lead single, and excellent Superbowl performance aside, there's nothing about it that people are going to look back on in ten years as evidence of its impact. Lyrics have never been a strength for Madonna, but even here you can't help but feel embarrassed ("Y-O-U, you wanna?") If she undersells on that, she tries too hard on 'Some Girls', a crunching, squelching beat shouted over with talk of limousines and steel rockets (and I hate to go there, but the chorus sounds a little like Lady GaGa's I Like it Rough - not that either are good songs)

'Superstar' reigns it in a bit and feels like late-90s Madonna. A passable melody and nice vocal performance after the initial barrage of club-thumping is certainly welcome. So naturally it's followed with second Nicki Minaj appearance, 'I Don't Give A'. The monotonous vocal delivery and 80s hip-hop beat might initially sound corny but there's something daftly appealing about its self-worship, lyrics ("BABY JESUS ON THE STAIRS") and Minaj's sign-off "bitch". 'I'm a Sinner' too capitalises on her turn-of-the-century pop successes, reminding me a little of Beautiful Stranger.


Things get even weirder with the shoe-strings 'Love Spent' that shrugs its non-beat at you with all the force of a farting ant. Vocally she peaks on 'Masterpiece', the Golden Globe-winning soundtrack slot from her film W.E. but I can't for the life of me see anything award-winning about it. Finally, 'Falling Free' nasally bows us out with no due care.

There's just not a single great 'pop song' here. And that's a first from Madonna. What made Confessions on a Dance Floor so excellent was its recurring appearance from producer Stuart Price. Here, the production credits reads like a motley crew of the relevant (Solveig, Orbit), the nonsense (Jimmy Harry) and the hapless (Benassi) and its cohesion is thrown out of the window. There's nothing new or original from Madonna here and although it's likely to provoke a reaction, that's just Madonna being Madonna. One can't help but feel she could release an album of Milli Vanilli covers and still grab a #1 in Brazil.

Rating: 4/10
Highlights: Turn Up the Radio, Give Me All Your Luvin', I'm a Sinner, I Don't Give A
Avoid: Falling Free, Love Spent, Girl Gone Wild, I'm Addicted

Artwork Watch: Pretty faultless in fairness.