Jennifer Lopez - Love

It speaks volumes that Lopez, old Lo from the Block, is more famed for her media appearances than her music today. So to come back to the UK with her first single in 4 years (since 'Do It Well') and then grab the #1 spot either says Lopez is a force to be reckoned with, or evidence of cultural decline. After a request to review this record I'm pretty firmly rooted in the latter camp. Fans of her should probably look away - indeed it's questionable why I'm reviewing this (but after praising Nicole Scherzinger and Britney this year I don't think that's entirely fair) - because the shoddy lyricism, the grating autotune and unoriginal tunes are overwhelmingly in abundance.

First track is said #1 single: 'On The Floor'. Featuring what can only be described to us simpletons as the equivalent of "that tramp you sometimes see in town that pesters you for change and stinks of White Lightning", Pitbull, it's a cheap, brief rip-off of last year's Edward Maya dance hit 'Stereo Love' with a shift in focus to some soulless assertions about how amazing clubbing is. The autotune rears its ugly head in 'Good Hit', which really makes the vitriol directed towards Rebecca Black seem laughable. Again, the typical soundbites are employed (references New York and Miami, "swagger", designer labels) and without much of a tune to direct it anywhere it's the equivalent of drowning in vajazzle studs.


The epitome of charm, Lil Wayne, finds his way onto 'I'm Into You' which is just another clumsy assault of his own pseudonyms (Young Money) and lecherous observations. Lopez is pretty slick in her vocal gimmicks and the tune isn't as bad as the predecessors, more of a Rihanna reggae-lite dancer, but suffers from a few cringeworthy lyrics ("I feel lucky like a four-leaf clover"). She really comes into her own on '(What Is) LOVE?', a mid-tempo urban track from D'Mile (behind Janet Jackson's 'Feedback' amongst others) that's pretty catchy.

However on 'Run the World' there's a brisk return to the synth overload - Lopez's voice sounding distanced and unmotivated. The track is utterly unremarkable and it's incredible to think the same producer (Tricky Stewart) was behind the likes of Umbrella and Single Ladies (but he was also responsible for Mariah Carey's recent walls of shite). Using the word 'Papi' has never been wise (look at Britney's Circus album track) but with a heavy eurodance burst the track is pretty firm (having RedOne usually (ignoring the lead single) does that). Balladry is then dabbled in with 'Until It Beats No More' which is always a bit of a risk since Lopez's voice is really average at best. It's, uh, cute, I guess. (see: already forgotten it)

Her sole writing credit is on 'One Love' (with the help of 3 others of course) and it's just...having no effect on me whatsoever. The synths go a bit crazy again in 'Invading My Mind' which in my opinion would've been a much better lead single, being so "I'm the Turkish Eurovision entry" that it is. Lopez then does her best Nicole Scherzinger impression on 'Villain'; a husky, seductive obliteration that's as subtle as Quagmire from Family Guy. Gone are the electronics in 'Starting Over', where rhythmic duties are left to claps and an urban beat - the piano tunes are pretty upbeat and Lopez coos your run-of-the-mill "I'm moving on" uplifting speech.


Final track 'Hypnotico' takes it back to the eurodance floor though, and whilst it's certainly a pretty faultless track for what it is it's just disappointing given the calibre of some of her greatest hits. Nonetheless, this is more of a fault with current mainstream demands I suspect. There are a couple of decent tracks dotted around here and there and that pretty accurately sums up pop music today.

Rating: 3.5/10
Starting Over, Invading My Mind, Papi, Hypnotico
Avoid: Good Hit, Run the World, Villain, One Love, On The Floor