A God-awful Small Affair

For those hoping for Rihanna poring over her Rated R era and the personal issues that came forthwith, look away now. "Sticks and stones may break my bones but chains and whips excite me." Rihanna is back as the dance/r&b princess she's internationally renowned for. Gone are the vulnerable emotions of "Russian Roulette", but in its place is opening track 'S&M', from which the above quote is lifted. The tune is brash and grabs attention, and it's an interesting way of kicking off the proceedings. 'What's My Name?' follows and, as her second single from the project, you'd be right to assume it's one of the catchier numbers. The steel drum tune is subdued and Drake's guest appearance cements its hook and marketability, but it's Rihanna's vocals and the chorus' persistence that make this a track that'll eventually latch onto your subconscious. Similarly, 'Cheers (Drink to That)' (rumoured to be the t

I'm not going to give this the courtesy of a full review. Instead, I'm going to borrow from Will.I.Am's work ethic and just rehash a lot of criticisms. I have to say, I had bad expectations in this after 'The E.N.D.' which was just...3 good songs and then 45 minutes of what I can only liken to floating around, facedown, in a swimming pool full of urine. But Christ Almighty. The Beginning makes The END look saintly. From the offset, with new single "The Time (Dirty Bit)", it's all repetitive, soulless, boring, generic electronic crap relying on a clumsy, embarrassing hook (Time of My Life, from Dirty Dancing) to try and sell records. There are brief rays of sunshine in "Somebody" and "Whenever", with alternative influences and vibrant sounds eventually being drowned out by this oil spill. Words cannot express how much I loathe Will.I.Am. For the past 5 years he has literally just sapped off of what's hot and current - Cheryl Cole

Nicki Minaj is coming... She's already featured on chart successes by Christina Aguilera, Trey Songz, Jay Sean, Ludacris and Lil' Wayne, and on Kanye West's "Monster" she proudly boasts "$50k for a verse? No album out?" But the time has come for hip hop's hottest new commodity to make her debut. Her style is interesting - both sexy and frightening, she dabbles in alter egos and this shows in her music. Switching from sweet-as-pie Harajuku Barbie to the intimidating Roman Zolanski quicker than you say Slim Shady, her image has been executed perfectly. So what of the music? Pink Friday begins with "I'm The Best", a high-rolling proclamation of confidence and the perfect kick-off to a career. A cute synth hook persists, whilst Minaj declares "I just woke up, out the door; all the girls will applaud". The track is followed with single 'Roman's Revenge', providing back-up in the unknown form of Eminem. Performing as the

I'd like to think the 'Extras' syndrome has taken effect here. It would certainly appear so - since the show's main actor, and writer, Dan Clark, cites The Office, Arrested Development, The Larry Sanders Show and The Young Ones as some of his favourite shows. So there is an air of ill logic, upon viewing his show, How Not To Live Your Life . The show is full of obvious physical gags (the most recent episode featured Clark, who plays main character Don, in S&M gear), awful jokes ("What's the Queen's name?", "That's easy...'The'.") and the worst character development since Peter Griffin. The characters themselves are drawn from the most tired of stereotypes - a grouchy old woman who lives next door, a lazy 20/30-something, a scornful love interest - but it's the extras who really shine. One of the other main characters, Samantha (said love interest), has a boyfriend who is somewhat older and a University lecturer. So it'

Let's not beat around the bush - Ke$ha is not a serious artist. Whether or not she intends to be divides opinion: there're those who take her and embrace her for what she is, but there are those who'll continually attack her for her music. I until recently was of the latter category. "Cannibal", the follow-up to 2009's "Animal" (technically 2010 courtesy of a January 1 release, but I think many were already well aware of her by then), comes at a time of peak popularity for Kesha Rose Sebert and you can almost visualise the board meetings demanding that she capitalise on this. "We R Who We R" was therefore announced to be a new single and released in late October - just 3 months after her last album's final single, 'Take it Off'. It's not exactly unfair to say there's been a bit of a rush to carry on. But what of the music itself? The single is more of the same: very David Guetta, very synth-heavy electropop. But it's

I don't think I need to fill you in on the backstory of Take That - various hysterical outlets have already nailed the Robbie Williams dramas, culminating in a 'glorious comeback' and 'what we've waited 15 years for' on Sunday night's The X Factor. But I'm trying to step back and assess what Progress, the third album since Take That reunited in 2007, means for the band. By name and the artwork alone, Barlow & co. are trying to assert a level of evolution for the band - and you can see what they're getting at. Starting off as a cheesy boyband with leather trousers and jelly on their bottoms, they were anything but credible. Then 2007 saw the return with 'Patience', which rocked adult contemporary playlists to the core. This continued with montage-perfect ventures such as 'Shine', 'Rule the World' and 'Greatest Day'. But where have they evolved to now? Upon release of 'The Flood', one would immediately assume

If you mention the words Kanye West to anyone nowadays the responses are endlessly varied. But everyone knows his name. Whether that's for his rapping credentials, his appeal to the pop masses, or his infamy with a certain Swift, is irrelevant - his star power in music is unrivalled, and both commercial and critical acclaim has not rained but poured. And so with West's 5th studio album comes a great deal of expectation. Previous releases The College Dropout, Graduation, Late Registration and 808s and Heartbreak have impressed critics worldwide, and spawned a series of hits for West, including 'Stronger', 'Love Lockdown' and 'Touch the Sky'. What's immediately noticeable with My Beautiful Dark Twisted Fantasy is a retraction from the world of electronics. Gone is his controversial venture into autotune, and the sound is fresher as a result. The opening track, 'Dark Fantasy' features a gospel-like presentation of Kanye's collaborators, befo

There have been signs of progress. - One - I'm applying to University. Plus side of this? I'll actually be doing something, living the Uni life, semi-independent, doing only subjects I enjoy, meeting new people, etc. The application stage is really quite worrying, particularly defining myself in the 'personal statement'. It's difficult to write about yourself when you do virtually nothing in an extracurricular sense, so I've thrown in what I perceive to be mundane things, but others assure me are good, such as the fact I tutor my brother in French and German, and I blog (yes, albeit sparingly...here anyway (that's my excuse)). - Two - Musically, I'm much more conscientous of listening to albums now. I remember when I started writing reviews back in 2006, I would write about singles and include rather silly things like rumours, release dates and the such, rather than artistic values, the music itself... So the more I listen to, the more I'm inclined

My first worry is that it's been so long since I last blogged. I say I want to be a journalist and then I don't write. Not really sure what's up with that. Bigger worry right now though, and it probably relates to the one above, is how compulsively lazy I am. I have had hundreds of examples where I've told myself "I really need to do something now" and yet here I am, at 4 in the morning, running a bath to go and read in, instead of sleeping. I've got nothing wrong with me in terms of health (that I'm aware of); I'm not an insomniac. I just have a horrible sleeping pattern - one that I glamourise in the Summer because it's fine then to do nothing and stay up late watching movies. But it's affecting how I perform at college - I am aware that I yawn a lot whilst I'm there, and whilst I do contribute in classes it's not nearly as much as I'm able to. I wonder sometimes if I am unlocking all of my potential. But then I also wonder if