The Script - #3

Once upon a time, I thought nothing of Danny O'Donoghue. I had a small appreciation of the singles Talk You Down and, in particular, Breakeven because they were pretty little pop songs and the world's always got time for those despite what the internet will tell you.

Then The Voice happened. Never has my blood escalated in temperature so quickly - the TV show that promised to be an alternative to the X Factor proved to be nothing of the sort, and in the meantime demonstrated a masterclass in how to be a total douchebag. Everything, from his leg-slides in the group performances, to the smug grins with which he fist-pumped during his act's shows, just totally unravelled any sort of quiet tolerance of the man I may have had, and now I'm going to express those 8 or so weeks of bile in a few paragraphs.

Beginning as we do with wooooo-ooooh!s and attempts to bring gritty tales of addiction and abuse into otherwise cheery lyrics (see: Ed Sheeran), 'Good Ol' Days' claps along with all the sunlit romanticism of an Instagram picture of your cat, but lacks something significant: a point. At least with 'Six Degrees of Separation' there's a whole step-by-step, guide to recovery lyrical theme and that sort of OneRepublic / Owl City outpour of heartbreak and beautiful melancholy~ which is pretty difficult to quash. Keeping in spirit with the majority of UK Number #1 singles, however, 'Hall of Fame' succeeds in garnering quarries and landfills of success it doesn't deserve. Given that David Bowie himself could collaborate with will.i.am. and I'd react by throwing a plate at a wall, this was never going to "work" for me, but I sort of hoped that his slightly endearing (and surprisingly human) appearances on the Voice with O'Donoghue would make this at least interesting. It isn't.

Further attempts to give their sound 'edge' are made on 'If You Could See Me Now", with some guest rapper whose name doesn't even warrant a guest namecheck (so... surely it's not one of the band?) and whilst the track's more than a little personal and poignant (it documents Mark Sheehan's parents' deaths and O'Donoghue's split), it's soaked in so much saccharine and tragedy that it's best avoided. The longest track 'Glowing' rather makes itself a test of endurance, with about 5 choruses merged into one insufferably skyward belter. "This time she's gonna pick herself up, no more breaking down" spits 'Broken Arrow', a similarly melodramatic and tedious "anthem" (in its truest pop sense).

It's not all insufferable nonsense, however: 'Give the Love Around' and 'Kaleidoscope' possess solid, fine melodies and a restrained production that make the band seem less irritating; the latter in particular is a surprisingly convicing homage to fellow countrymen U2 (and the chorus' riffs sound a tiny bit similar to Sometimes You Can't Make It On Your Own, which might explain its appeal for me). They begin to run out of ideas, though, and even acknowledge that "there are no words" on...err... 'No Words', but closer 'Millionaires' is another small tick for the band that saves #3 (and can we please stop acts naming albums after the number of which they've now made?) from total catastrophe.

I'll admit that there's absolutely no necessity to review a Script album - anyone who's paid the slightest bit of attention to music since 2008 will be well aware of the fact that they're a pretty Irish pop band led by a pretty Irish fellow - and that you'll know what to expect from this. It's just as if I preferred it when, and I don't readily admit to enjoying James Corden quotes, he was 'Danny I Dunno Who'. For a full explanation just look up a YouTube video of him doing that floorslide. You'll grow all that vitriol and it'll stagnate in your belly for a while, and this album will try to sedate that feeling, but it'll never succeed. Just go and get the Grimes album.

Rating: 3.5/10
Highlights: Kaleidoscope, Six Degrees of Separation, Give the Love Around, Millionaires
Avoid: Hall of Fame, Broken Arrow, Glowing, If You Could See Me Now

Artwork Watch: Says a lot of the other two of the band doesn't it?
Up next: MNDR