Ed Sheeran - +

Whatever was left for me to wax lyrical about Sheeran has already been done so to death by the radio personality-vacuums of Fearne Cotton, Jo Whiley and co. The UK has been gripped by a plague of mediocre genre-mashing and it doesn't seem to show any signs of imminent release. As Facebook spawns seventy hundred groups about how cool/fit/peng (delete where appropriate) gingers suddenly are now thanks to him and Rupert Grint (both of which I struggle to understand; the latter of which happens to pop up in Sheeran's latest music video), I'll just dive in to what I know will be a very tedious 50 minutes.

Beginning with early 2011's radio surprise-hit, 'The A Team', Sheeran strums along rather inoffensively and it's fair to say it deserved to be a hit in the same way that James Morrison, Jason Mraz and the Plain White Ts deserved their minor successes. It's also fair to point out that few mainstream sensations have the freedom to sing about heroin addiction and prostitution, but for me this is nothing more than a pleasant distraction. A light drumbeat accompanies 'Drunk', a fairly standard tune that might accentuate a Bruno Mars album. Again the lyrics turn to taboo topics, in a no-way-contrived attempt to endear oneself to the indie scene.


As far as opening lyrics go, "I found your hairband on my bedroom floor" is a real stinker. The rest of 'U.N.I.' is a quickly-delivered midtempo ballad, thankfully detailing "You 'n' I" and not a wild anecdote about university. The fusing though, of soft-rock and hip hop lyrics is a difficult one because only the superfans are going to have the patience and tenacity to try and decipher his flows, which really seem only included because a) noone has done it before or b) to distract from an average voice and boring melody. "This drink is a liver killer" is one of many adlibs available on 'Grade 8', another below-average track centred around a heart-strings/instrumentalist metaphor that's just sooooo clever.

Call me old-fashioned but it's the stripped-back nature of tracks like 'Wake Me Up' that appeals to me most - even if the lyrics swiftly flicker between tenuous and nauseating ("I've always been shit at computer games" / the entire beach-pebble-necklace verse). Vocally and melodically though it's pretty lovely. Similarly, 'Small Bump' floats along enjoyably and inevitably charms the knickers off many an impressionable and musically-ignorant teenager. Sadly though, Sheeran fully stumbles into 'boring' territory by 'This', a bubbling and painfully-slow ballad that's all breathiness and sighs. (I say) Thankfully (but I don't really mean it) the tempo is increased for 'The City', with all the edgy-cool beats of...uh... a Craig David track. Pianos and choirs in the background give it a nice sound, though, and it's a sweet 'Hometown Glory'-style testament to urban life.

Third single 'Lego House' (the one with the Weasley in the video) is begging for a subtle-as-a-brick Katy Brand parody with its wide-eyed child lyrics and tune that's been done 20,000 times before. ZZZZZ. As a university fresher the omnipresence (thanks mainly to my flatmate) of 'You Need Me, I Don't Need You' has been an overwhelming burden - though in fairness it's a welcome change of scenery from all of the previous "love love plod plod"s. That's not to forgive its immediately-obvious corny rhymes and naïve boasts about his authenticity and future, though. Producer Julie Frost, who's enjoying a string of hits lately with Beyoncé's 'Countdown' and the Black Eyed Peas' 'Just Can't Get Enough', lends her hand to 'Kiss Me', a ballad led by a slow, thudding drum and backed by contemplative strings. Lovely.

The final track (or two, counting the hidden), 'Give Me Love', again simmers satisfyingly and with a resounding chorus - easily the strongest on the album. Sheeran then covers the traditional Irish farewell, 'The Parting Glass', with minimal stirring moments.


Many long-time fans have pointed out that the forces that be in the music production world have polished off some of his more appealing edges, and that definitely seems to be a possibility here. If that means missing out on more saccharine-sweet drug addicts and their ~problems~ then I'm not entirely mourning the loss. There've been countless instances where the young and the authentic have been tricked into looping their own niches around their own necks, and eventually you find the contradictions suffocating them - he boasts about he didn't go to the BRIT School, but then emulates their lovepop graduates with worrying aplomb. Here's to the next, probably worse, sensation to replace him.

Rating: 3/10
Highlights: Give Me Love, The A Team, Kiss Me, Wake Me Up, The City
Avoid: This, You Need Me, I Don't Need You, Grade 8, U.N.I., Lego House

Artwork Watch: HE IS GINGER AND EDGY, PEOPLE, GO FUCKING MENTAL.
For fans of: Colostomy bags, Readers' Digest, hearing aids and dead pigeons.