Justin Bieber - Believe

I am told that people hate Justin Bieber. It's most unusual. Right from the very start of his commercial success (I believe it was One Time that was his debut single), the online music sphere has reacted with ever-excelling insults and meme-based hatred directed at the Canadian. Everyone's got at least 5 Facebook friends that won't shut up about hating him. Maybe this is a transatlantic difference thing, but I've never quite understood why Bieber sticks out. Amongst the likes of will.i.am., Chris Brown, Pitbull, LMFAO, Cher Lloyd, Cheryl Cole, Britney Spears and Maroon 5 - all far more viable candidates for the 'Worst Thing in Music Right Now' accolade - I've been cautious to criticise him.

There's, of course, the fans. They're indeed a massive problem. There's that interview clip where he didn't appear to know what 'German' meant. There're endless low-quality 'clips' of supposed arrogance and rudeness displayed by the singer towards some fans, but for a moment can we just ditch the hatred of an, up until very recently, underage boy living the dream and assess his talents? It's especially disparaging to see so many of the insults directed at him to consist of a largely homophobic nature. Alas, this is what happens when everyone thinks their opinion matters.
Death to Twitter. ✌

Perhaps quite savvily then, Bieber's third album kicks off with synths aplenty and breathy "where you at?" vocals on 'All Around the World', a pretty middle-of-the-road dance track with enough hooks and breakdowns to keep partygoers interested, if little else. Surprise of the year, though, goes to 'Boyfriend', the hip-hop/country cross-over that just somehow works. Even in spite of some terrible lyrics ("Swag, swag on you/ chillin' by the fire while we're eatin' fondue"), it's a hopelessly catchy and pretty good pop song. Risks like 'Boyfriend' are hard to come by here, though, and the painful 'As Long As You Love Me' would do better to be a blatant Backstreet Boys sample than the predictable mess it actually is. It also provides the interesting (and probably false) premise of Bieber loving you even if "we could be starving/ we could be homeless". Difficult to imagine Canada's most pampered pop prince sticking to that promise. Similarly dross in its sentiment is 'Catching Feelings', a dated but harmless ballad.

Thankfully 'Right Here' and 'Take You' bring us back into the twenty-first century by the means of slightly more interesting melodies and a pre-watershed Drake, but neither really prove to be viable single material. On 'Fall' we're daringly introduced by "let me tell you a story about a girl and a boy". The schmaltz is inescapable at times but then, to be expected of the world's most current teenage heart-throb. Sampling Michael Jackson's We've Got a Good Thing Going then on 'Die In Your Arms', Bieber puts in one of his strongest vocal performances and to heartwarming effect. Similarly sweet and given a much more uptempo beat is 'Thought of You', a track full of ear-splittingly high notes and a fun rhythm. The prospect of a Nicki Minaj/Justin Bieber collaboration would probably get thousands of teenagers' biggest sugar buzz, but sadly 'Beauty and a Beat' is one of the most generic, noncommital shrugs of a song I've ever heard. It ticks all the right boxes: crazy Nicki verse, squelching synth sections, that whole Dr. Luke-sounding verse structure. But it's just so dull.

The first impression I got when the intro to 'Oh Love' kicked in? Chris Brown's Forever. As the woman-beater's far most superior single, it's not the worst doppelgänger imaginable, but it's another disappointing slice of mediocrity. With the amount of sugary pop that Bieber's hectic career has dished out it's difficult to remember sometimes the simple roots and authenticities that made him stand out: 'Be Alright' is one such keen reminder. It's nothing groundbreaking, it's lyrically obvious, but at the same time it's undoubtedly nice. Believe ends with its title track and it's one of those uplifting "dreams come true" shticks. Cheesy, a little self-indulgent, but genuine and sweet.

The real coup of Believe though is that, even in the company of eternally pointless "guest" spots like Big Sean and Ludacris, Justin Bieber is able to remain his own identity. For every soul-crushing synth number there's a counter-track that reasserts his (however small) talents. Yes, he doesn't deserve to be the biggest name in music right now. Yes, he's far from the most talented. However, he's also far from the least talented and this whole hate-bandwagon could really do with a hearty "fuck off" right now. Believe is that record.

Rating: 5.5/10
Highlights: Boyfriend, Die In Your Arms, Right Here, All Around the World, Be Alright
Avoid: Fall, Catching Feelings, As Long as You Love Me, Beauty and a Beat

Artwork Watch: There's a photo of Justin Bieber, with the words Justin Bieber and Believe. Groundbreaking.
Up next: Fiona Apple