One Direction - Take Me Home


The actions and behaviour of a band's fanbase can often be more damaging than the quality of their idol's material. Justin Bieber, Lady GaGa and, now, One Direction have all issued a string of pretty good pop songs (no wait, hear me out) and unless you live with a serious investment in your image as someone cool and hip, you have to admit that 'Boyfriend', 'Bad Romance' and 'What Makes You Beautiful' are all great pop songs. The middle one is probably the best of the last five years, but let's move on.

So the least threatening 'British invasion' since the Dave Clark Five comes in the monolithic form of One Direction, a group of five varyingly attractive (although all elevated to demigod status by fans, despite the obvious fact that I'd only feasibly want to sleep with Zayn or Louis... gosh I've become so shallow. Imagine the uproar if I were judging their looks if they were female.) #lads mashed together by Simon Cowell on 2010's X Factor. Let's attempt to justify their fans' hysteria, then.


Much like their debut record, Take Me Home begins with the "CRAZY! CRAZY! CRAZY!" party song in the way of 'Live Like We're Young', which wholeheartedly jumps aboard an already-clogged ode to youth 2012 bandwagon, and, whilst without the anthemic punch of What Makes You Beautiful, is largely enjoyable and bound to be stuck in your head at least once. The debut's most frequent producers - Rami Yacoub and Carl Falk, the men behind virtually every pop song of the past two years - return for duty often here, producing the opener and 'Kiss You', a not-great track, in light of its only hooks really being "yeah-yeah!"s and "na-na-na"s. So, pop exhausted, they reel in the oh-so-angsty Ed Sheeran (and his producer, Jake Gosling) for a doe-eyed dollop of sentiment on 'Little Things'. All acoustic and authentic and shit. Gets you real deep, man. Ironic jabs at Ed Sheeran's lack of quality aside, it's a rather lovely little song. Of their attempts at a pop smash, 'C'mon C'mon' is probably their most accomplished, and carries off that whole running-along-pulling-meaningful-faces-in-the-wind thing which is all so en vogue.

I'd be pretty shocked if 'Last First Kiss' wasn't released as a single at some point at the start of 2013, given its whole schmaltzy, not-quite-sensical omg<3 i="i">ness, and also because it's quite nice and everything. So far so good, right? Well it's ruined by a string of four quite poor, middle of the road songs that someone like Olly Murs - Britain's least inspiring man - might get away with: 'Heart Attack' sounds like the resurrection of Jesse McCartney's career. 'Rock Me' redacts Queen to an embarrassing slither. 'Change My Mind' is just dull from start to finish. 'I Would' might just grow on me some day, but will take about 30 radio plays and a video in which they all strip extensively, with the track's writers McFly, in a jacuzzi and make out or something more subtle, for me to give a damn.

They manage to pull it together towards the end, though: on 'Over Again' they again evoke the Sheeran with a cute, lyrically odd ballad (think Lego House not sung by a charisma-vacuum). There's still time to thrash out a good pop song on 'Back For You', a power-pop stomper with a decent chorus. They even squeeze in a little piano ditty, 'They Don't Know About Us', a rebuttal against adult wisdom and the readiness to embrace young love as if it'll last forever. Which is of course 'cute'. It does use the "they're jealous of us" line, though, which made me vomit into a bag. 'Summer Love' then steals the 'Worst Lyric of the Album' accolade with "Had the best time and now it's the worst time" - and would be a total write-off if it weren't for the overall likeable teen-movie soundtrack vibe about it all.


As far as music for people who don't know music goes, you could do a lot worse than go One Direction.

Rating: 6.5/10
Highlights: Little Things, C'mon C'mon, Last First Kiss, Back For You, They Don't Know About Us
Avoid: Heart Attack, Rock Me, Change My Mind, I Would

Artwork Watch: Yes. Please keep the blond one locked away. I'd probably care more.
Up next: Christina Aguilera  

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