One Direction - Midnight Memories

 'O look, look in the mirror,
O look in your distress:
Life remains a blessing
Although you cannot bless.

'O stand, stand at the window
As the tears scald and start;
You shall love your crooked neighbour
With your crooked heart.'

It was late, late in the evening,
The lovers they were gone;
The clocks had ceased their chiming,
And the deep river ran on.

Reviewing a One Direction album is a little like whispering at an Aerosmith concert and expecting to be heard. With that in mind, I'll keep it brief: 'Best Song Ever' and 'Midnight Memories' are rather lovely indeed once you get past their staggering resemblances to Baba O'Riley and Pour Some Sugar on Me respectively. They're not the only small brushes of cock-rock going on either: 'Little Black Dress' is probably their worst song to date and goes absolutely nowhere, and sounds a bit like Jedward trying to emulate Queen.

As one would predict, they're at their strongest when peddling uptempo love songs: 'Diana' has an insurgent epic piano nonsense vibe going on, whilst 'Strong' and 'Happily' are both marvellously enchanting. The finest pop tune is delivered on closer 'Better than Words' with bubbling little sound effects and whistles, as Niall Horan makes hissing noises and they say everything but the word "shagging". There're a handful of obligatory serious-moments though with the cute and simple 'Story of My Life' (even if they've yet to live about a quarter of an average one), and Ryan Tedder continues his quest towards omnipresence with a credit on 'Right Now'. There're blindingly average tracks too, and with song titles like 'You and I' and 'Through the Dark' you can just imagine what's going on.

Some hiccups occur, though; 'Don't Forget Where You Belong', aside from being a teeny bit sanctimonious (what is it about popstars trying to convince us they're normal people?), feels a little too much like a Keane track. 'Little White Lies', too, tucks itself away quite neatly into that folder marked "below-average One Direction songs beginning with Little" courtesy of an instrumental so vanilla that you could add it to cookie dough. For the most part, the gents are polite enough to make each song a treat, though.

The results are all the same as the first two albums: Louis remeans the vocal weak link (especially on Twitter), the songs are all chest-clutchingly doe-eyed, and border the line between "catchy" and "going to be very annoying, very soon" quite finely. Rule Britannia.
They lose half a point from Take Me Home for not having a 'Kiss You Moment'. :(

Rating: 6/10
Highlights: Story of my Life; Better than Words; Happily; Strong; Diana
Avoid: Don't Forget Where You Belong; Little Black Dress; Midnight Memories

Artwork Watch: Oh gosh, Zayn.
Up next: Death Grips (yes I'm reviewing Death Grips after One Direction, what of it?)